The Trouble with Cardboard

 
Large Cardboard boxes. I don’t know what to do with them. Here’s the problem. A few weeks ago I purchased a set of patio furniture. It came in a box.  Yes, I admit it’s not quite the same stuff you’d find on the decks and porches in the Hamptons.  Whatever. After spending several hours assembling the damn things (a table plus six – count em – six chairs) I was left with, among other things, two gigantic cardboard boxes.  The other thing I was left with was back pain. Severe shooting pain.  

But enough of my griping, back to my griping.  What the hell am I supposed to do with these enormo boxes? They’ve been sitting in my garage for like  3 weeks now.  I can’t get my car in and I can’t get my mower out.  Now my grass is like 9 inches tall and starting to discolor.  Also, the boxes block access to my garbage cans and the bags are starting to pile up in and around the house. The flies alone are enough to make me gag.  I measured the larger box and it’s almost 8 feet wide. WTF.  Now it looks like I might have to rent an industrial flat-bed – the kind that they use to move farm equipment.  I called a company that rents these things and was told it would cost me almost $300.  No way.  I’ve been considering renting a Dumpster-brand trash receptacle (can you believe that Dumpster is a registered trademark?).  Turns out you can’t dispose of type 2 recyclable waste.  OMG. 

Oh, and last week I had the bright idea to slice the big flat one in half, figuring that maybe – maybe- I could squeeze it into my wife’s SUV.  But my hands were sweaty and the knife slipped and I ended up rupturing an artery – nearly passed out (not from lack of blood but from the sight of it).  I’m really at my wit’s end.  Yesterday I could swear they were laughing at me. Mocking me. Because they know they’ve won.  And, in a way, they have. 

Did I mention that we think there’s a family of rodents living in one of them? I swear I saw one of them drag a dead cat in there. 

CGI rendering of what one of the rodents *might* look like

 

Update: I finally came up with an idea…by thinking outside the box!  Bad pun, I know. But I finally found a use for those horrible, horrible boxes.

It's not much, but it's home